I woke up this morning and one thought was circling around my head, 'I am not where I need to be." This thought was swirling around my head as my dream self was twirling in a pink dress while wearing a viking helmet at some sort of Dungeons and Dragons festival. For your info, I don't play D & D and never have so to say my sub-concsious was sending a message is extremely obvious. Either that or my body finanlly fought off the last of the amoxicillain allergic reaction that started a week ago. That's right I am now allergic to amoxicillian, not entirely surprising considering the emotional rollercoaster of my life the last 5 months.

I am now to the point where I find one thing to focus on for the day that I can physically or emotionally manage. And, I further torture myself because it has to be something that just seems out of reach at that point in time. For example, my hands hurt this morning and they are hard to move - neuropathy, essential tremors, and arthritis - which makes today's grateful blog post hard to write. It also makes it more important to write because this will connect me to you.

1. I am grateful that I finally asked for a blessing from the Elders Quorum of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. The blessing didn't fix anything or make anything go away but it reminded me that I do have the strength and faith to start on a new adventure that will eventually lead me to where I need to be for the future. Even if it is right where I am already.

2. I am grateful that I hand sewed a coin purse while dealing with an allergic reaction to medication. I really tried to talk myself out of it, especially since I was not feeling good. At the time, I didn't know I was having an allergic reaction. I honestly was just trying to find some self worth in making something new or creating something with the skills I did have. A coin purse may seem like a silly romantic idea but I'm hoping to build a store on silly romantic ideas. 

3. I am grateful that I spent a night watching Christmas love stories from Hallmark and Lifetime. Yes, they all kind of start the same. Main character needs a lesson about kindness. They meet angels along the way to guide them. One of those angels turn out to be the missing piece in their life. They fall in love, there is an obstacle or two, then its a finally kiss, and the credits roll. They are silly, pointless, make believe romance stories that do not happen in reality. But, for one night they distracted me from physical pain and gave me a bit of hope.

I am not where I need to be, The obvious question now becomes where do I need to be or where am I needed? I currently do not know where I am supposed to be or where I am needed but I'm now looking forward to finding out where that might be. I hope you come along with me.